'Todays Top Tip'

Don't put your wet nose where it's not wanted!
I spent two & a half hours yesterday afternoon with my nose stuck in the cat-flap...
Not funny, embarressing and quite painful just in case you're interested.  Today I look like I should be attending Rudolph auditions.
I'm going back to bed now, I can't face the world today.

I'm matching the weather today - it's foggy outside, grey, dismal and damp.
I'm hairy on the outside, grey, white & black, and not too happy. Thankfully I'm not damp in any way shape or form.
I think I've got what you humanoids call that 'Monday morning feeling'?  No idea why - I didn't know until today that I had such crappy emotions...
I've not got to go to work, I'm not worried about paying this month's mortgage or credit card bill (I haven't got either you'll be pleased to know), and I'm not feeling ill or hungover.  Just not quite my self.
Maybe it's because The Grant has been booted off Strictly, or Craig's out of X-Factor?  I'm sure I'll get over it - catch u tomorrow & chins up!
me,x.

About half-way through Strictly It Takes Two yesterday evening Pa decided that we both needed some fresh air and exercise!  So he dragged me off for a long walk, I bounced for a while but soon got too knackered too quickly as per usual.
By the time we got home I was exhausted and ready for my bed.  I dozed off into a fantastic full-colour dream.  Did you know I was an excellent dreamer?  Well I am.
I was on the Wembley arena dance-floor!  Tess introduced me as 'Sasha' and I was dancing on my hind legs, floppy ears tied back, with little Chelsee.  She had those white hairy-furry trousers on again and our legs matched perfectly.  We looked fab-u-lous as we strutted our stuff to the sounds of Snoop Dogg and we ended up bowing to a full-house standing ovation, even the judges!
I was still cream-crackered when I woke up early this morning - I think I really need to watch less television..

Why didn't you tell me?
Celebrity Jungle thingy has been on all week and I've only just seen it - I caught about half an hour last night.  Have they changed it this year? - I didn't recognise anyone!  One guy did look a bit like the soft fella from Coronation Street, but with less hair, maybe he's a lookalike or something...
(I hope I never lose my hair - I'd look ridiculous.)
Maybe they should change the title this time - 'I'm a Nobody, does anyone care' has a certain relevant ring to it?!
Still, Ant & Dec always make me giggle.  Catch u soon.

The Snooze - I watched the late snooze with Pa last night - I like to keep up to speed with what's happening in the big wide world u know.  Apparently our economy is a little less inflated, Italy is forming a new government and the Euro is still in crisis... I don't really know what all this means but Pa says the country's 'gone to the dogs' which sounds fine to me and being a bit less inflated sounds like it might be a good thing!

On the sports front Pa says we're basically now Football World Champions, having beaten Spain and Sweden - conkers rules apply he reckons...
I did hear on the sports-snooze that our footy team was 'new England' - again I don't know what this involves but it's all very confusing for an Old English fella like me.
I'm not a footy fan anyway, I'm more of a winter-sports enthusiast. 

Pa smells of after-eights today!  Is this normal or usual for a male humanoid?
I've never noticed this tasty aroma before - well only on after-eights themselves if I'm lucky enough to scoff a box.  He usually smells of aftershave, soap or a hint of garlic sometimes, occassionally all three.
If there is an obvious reason for this smell could you let me have the details - answers on a postcard please, I'm an old fashioned type of guy u know.

P.S;  If it's some weirdo humanoid attraction thing don't bother letting me know, I won't understand and I'm really not that interested.

I watched X-factor at the weekend - I know it's not the same without my namesake, but still watchable don't you think?
I do like Gary (I'm a bit of a closet TT fan) - he's getting a bit smug, but I reckon he's okay.
I love Kelly - can't understand a word she says half the time - but she's lovely, & great teeth!
Louis is still a bit of an arse, but a harmless arse I reckon.
Who the hell is Tulisa?
The best bits of course are the ad-breaks!  I love adverts, have you seen my brother's new one?  You know - for the brilliant paint company - I bet he was knackered filming that one.  Haven't seen him for ages...