'Merry Christmas!' humanoids.

I'm just going with the flow, u all seem to be saying it, some even sound like they mean it . . .

I'm off for a sniff under the Norwegien, just in case.

Catch u soon,  Simon Gotobed,  Festive four-legged fella,  xx.

A 6 foot Norwegien has moved into our house ? - I'm not happy - smells of air freshener . . .

Have a frantic, fab & festive weekend humanoids !

Simon Gotobed, feeling moby-dick,  xx.

Heard on the 10 o-clock Snooze last night that the Queen has had an area of Antarctica named after her ! - QueenElizabeth Land . . . how brilliant is that ?!

I think they should re-name my area 'Gotobed Land' . . . it has a certain ring about it don't u think?

I'm off for a kip now and hopefully a full-colour dream - Only 6 sleeps to Santa apparently !

Simon Gotobed, Old English fella with a twist,  xx.

I once met a sausage-Dog, but I've never met a Gun-Dog . . .

Following the weekends' events I don't really want to.

Staying in my bed/basket today with my head hidden under my hairy-floppy ears, blocking out the big scary humanoid world if I can.

Have a great day humanoids & be good to one another, Please,  xx.

I'm in the Dog-house again - well, Pa's garage anyway . . .

Really, are 12 mince pies too much ???  I didn't think so at the time . . .

Simon Gotobed, Festive Scoffer,  xx.

I wore 2 pairs of socks in bed/basket last night - it was freezin'!  Miserable & wet today (the weather, not me) so I'm staying in and watching the goggle-box . . . I've got control of the remote until Pa gets home!

Can't wait until Sunday night - Sports Personality ! ! !

I reckon Bradley Wiggo should win, but Mo's got a winning smile?  Jess is our Golden Girl ?  And Andy Murray is definitely a Brit now?  Who knows . . . I won't be voting anyway, my paws are far too big to accurately dial on a mobile - not that I've got one anyway . . .

Can't wait!  & it's nearly Christmas - I can smell it !

Simon Gotobed, Festive four-footed fella,  xx.

Just watched the lunchtime-snooze . . . what the fracking hell was that all about then ???

Didn't understand a word of it, it may as well have been in Welsh with Polish sub-titles . . .

P.S;  It's still bloody freezin'.  xx.

I've got absolutely nothing to moan & groan about today - I don't live in North Korea, I don't support Arsenal, I'm not on the M6 or even the M1 (I've got Radio 2 on!), I'm not looking for a job and nobody is really expecting me to buy them a Christmas present !

Life is good today, even a Dog's life, and I'm all snug & warm in my big hairy-furry Old English coat.

No doubt Pa will ruin my day later when he gets home and insists on dragging me round the streets for 10 minutes . . . it's bloody freezin'!

Simon Gotobed, Home Alone & Lovin' it,  xx.

Why the bloody hell didn't anyone tell me !  Why didn't you remind me !  OMG !  2 Weeks Today it's bloody Christmas Day !

I've got so much to think about, so much to do, so much to prepare, so much stuff to buy . . . & so little time now!

It's a good job I'm a Dog and smarter than the average cat - 8 out of 10 would probably agree.  Deep breaths - deep breaths - and relax . . .

Right, I'm off for a kip and a good think, maybe even a full-colour Christmas dream if I'm lucky.

Catch u soon,  Simon Gotobed,  xx.

I didn't even know that Pa was religious, but last night whilst we watched the 10 o-clock Snooze he just kept muttering on about 'the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away' ???
I haven't got a clue - as per usual!

That George Osbourne fella seems really nice though - very good with numbers by the sounds of it . . .

Princess Kate's feeling better by the way, just in case you were wondering . . . I gave the posh hospital a quick call last night and they gave me a full update . . . they'll talk to anyone . . .

Simon Gotobed, Talented Canine,  Old English & not Australian,  xx.

Kate and Prince Wills are having a baby then - brilliant - maybe even twins!

I'm really, really pleased for them, and for the country, being a proud Old English fella u know.

My only slight sadness of course is that i'll never be a father - having had my balls removed at an early age (apparently that's Normal?! ) - I think it's now technically impossible . . .  Shame really, I'd be a great Dad and I reckon a prime specimen like me could have knocked out 5 or 6 little me's . . .

Simon Gotobed,  Happy & Sad today,  xx.

I watched far too much tv on the goggle-box over the weekend - Sorry! - but it wasn't really my fault, Pa's the dominant male in our house and he controls the remote mostly. . .

Anyway, I think I may be in love . . . not really sure . . . not really sure of my preferences either way . . . but as a proud Old English fella I think I may be smitten with a gorgeous Welsh lass - Katherine Jenkins !  She's beautiful and sings some high notes that probably only I can hear.  It could be love but i'll let u know.

Off for a kip now & hoping for a full-colour dream - just me & Katherine - hopefully with no sheep involved this time (it's a long story).

Simon Gotobed,  xx. 

I've not seen a weather forecast for days, but I can tell u now it's bloody freezin' outside - even in this wet-nose to tail-tip Old English coat !

I reckon it might snow tonight . . .

Have a fun & frosty weekend humanoids - wrap up warm;  Simon Gotobed, xx.

Pa's just told me he nearly won the lottery last night !
Well, he got 2 correct numbers, he was just one off on 2 more and he got 41 but 14 came out!

Nearly???  He ?  Shouldn't that be 'we' if he ever does bloody win . . .

It's freezin' today too - I bet u wish you'd got a big hairy-furry Designer coat like me don't u ?

Have fun in the sun humanoids,  Simon Gotobed,  xx.

I think Pa's been listening to a bit too much 'Snooze' . . .

Today he's moan-moan-moaning about 'Rip-Off-Britain' and now reckons he's going to buy all his booze from Portugal!?
He's also thinking of getting another job, but just a part-time one!?  Maybe then he says he can afford a train-ticket!?

As usual I have little or no idea what he's talking about.  Maybe I should watch the snooze later and just try to avoid the weather forecast.

Simon Gotobed, Confused Humanoid-behaviour Analyst,  xx.

Forget Movember - nobody even noticed - a big hairy fella like me - it just didn't work . . .

I'm now planning my December-Detox !  I'm not going to watch any weather forecasts until Christmas Day and just hope it Snows then - what do u think?
The current weather forecasts are just scary, even for me, and I'm an expert.

Staying in again today, bored but dry,  Simon Gotobed,  xx.

I need to find 2 pairs of size 15 Paw wellies, & quick!

Pa never did build that bloody Ark that I suggested - I knew we'd need it - bloody useless humanoid!

Have a great day everyone and a Wet & Windy Weekend,  Simon Gotobed,  Not Happy,  x.

I stayed in all day yesterday & I think I've broken my own World Record for watching weather forecasts - 22 different ones yesterday, maybe 23 but I lost count a bit when Pa got home and I had the remote in my paws . . .

And guess what my conclusion for today's weather is . . . WET.  Very wet to be honest, sorry about that.

I'm staying in again today, my full-body, wet nose to tail-tip, hairy-furry all-year overcoat is not designed for wet conditions.  I may try for another World Record today - number of snoozes in a 24 hour period?! 

I'll keep u posted humanoids, have fun,  Simon Gotobed,  xx.

Watched the 10 o-clock Snooze last night - I'm so pleased we don't live in Scotland . . . it's so bloody wet!  Still, could be worse, we could live in Gaza . . .

Confession:  when I first saw this mentioned I thought it had something to do with the Geordie football'fella . . . it's a good job my big floppy ears work as well as my eyes - most confusing . . .

My nose works too - I can sniff lunch - catch u soon,  xx.

Ella - Ella - Ella . . .

I'm devastated - well, a bit shocked anyway - well, slightly saddened - a tad surprised perhaps . . . No actually now I think about it I really couldn't care less - Sorry for any misunderstanding . . .

I bet u humanoids wish you could hear Jahmene's top notes don't u ?  I can.  He's my favourite now, I suppose, u know, a bit, maybe.

Have a fun day people,  Simon Gotobed, TV addict,  xx.

I think I'm having a double-dip ??? - it may even turn out to be a triple . . . So today I'm going to try to cheer myself up - I'm staying in all day & watching Christmas adverts on the goggle-box! John Lewis is my current favourite - I'd love a playfight with that Snowman-fella. Simon Gotobed, big, hairy, a bit bored, & still Old English; xx.

There is no weather today?? It's giving me a headache & I've nothing much to talk about . . . I am a weather forecast & tv advert addict; sorry, but I am. Going for a snooze now, Simon Gotobed, xx.

Pa is really, really, really NOT happy with me . . . I half-ate two sofa cushions yesterday (hardly an act of bloody terrorism!) . . . but I did leave a big mess in the lounge I suppose . . .

He says he doesn't know what to do with me?  He then said he ought to DEPORT me!?

I'm a big hairy fella and I've lived rent-free in Old England for years now - I'm not worried about his threats - it'll never happen!

What's the worst that he can do?  Chunks & water in the Doghouse for a few more days I reckon, then i'll get released and be back to normal.  No pressure, easy-peasy.

xx.

(P.S; - Good luck to England tonight! )

I've been in the Doghouse all weekend - it wasn't my fault - I just couldn't hold in the excitement!

So I've been in the garage, solitary confinement basically, & just chunks and water - I didn't get to sample any jungle delicacies, whatever they may have been . . .

And today Pa's taking me to the Pet Parlour for a 'once-over' - what the hell is a that?!  I'm shaking and sweating just thinking about it.  I hope it's not some humanoid-weirdo ritual.  I might play dead when he comes for me . . . then again maybe not or I'll end up in the surgery with the Persil fella.  I can't bloody win really & it really wasn't my fault in the first place - it never is apparently!

Hope to see u soon . . . Simon Gotobed, Worried Old English fella,  xx.

Pa reckons we might be having kangaroo testicles, fish eyes and shark brains for Sunday lunch ???

I think I'll stick with my chunks and water thanks . . . although a tasty bone wouldn't go a miss!

I wonder if he knows something that I don't . . . not unusual to be fair.

Simon Gotobed,  xx.

I'm confused (I know, I'm always confused), but Pa said he thought Will Smith would be a great President . . . so who the hell is this Obama guy?  He's a kind of lookalike I'd guess, but I've never seen any of his films.  Maybe he was a stuntman or something ?

Good luck to him anyway.

I'm off to watch the lunchtime snooze and maybe a few weather forecasts - I know - life in the fast lane!

Have fun humanoids,  Simon Gotobed, Politically-incorrect Correspondent,  xx.

Is it the 5th of November today?  I'm sure it is.  Bloody Bonfire Night . . . I hate Bonfire night!  It's noisy, scary and frightening - my floppy ears don't like it at all.

I wouldn't mind so much if I was given ear-plugs and a job to do . . . maybe looking after the hot-dogs (stupid name) and burgers . . . but I apparently can't be trusted!

My humanoids might be right on that one actually, not that they usually get things right, but this one might be true.  It's a crying shame . . .

Have fun, weirdo-humanoid fun that is, & leave me be;  Simon Gotobed, Hungry-Dog,  xx.

Happy 1st Movember - I'm not planning to shave until December, or maybe January . . . maybe never.  I never have done yet anyway.  I think Pa should grow handle-bars but I'm not sure he's got it in him , maybe he needs to eat more greens, or chunks.  I'm not a bloody dietician u know.

Off for a kip now, been a busy few days;  Simon G, Big, Hairy Fella from Old England,  xx.

Watched the ten o'clock Snooze last night . . . Pa no longer wants to go to New York? and he never wanted to be a footy referee?

As an observer of humanoid behaviour I still have no idea why these two facts are connected - maybe they're not . . .
Maybe I'll just never understand.

Still, glad I'm tucked-up in my nice warm blanket for the day!  I think I'll stay in all day and try to break my record for weather-forecast' watching.  My current record is 14 - I'll keep u posted.

Have fun humanoids,  Simon Gotobed,  xx.

This is bloody stupid - my 'body-clock' is all over the place! - I didn't even know I had one, although it does explain the constant ticking in my hairy head . . . I just wanted a bit more sleep . . .

I had a really, really busy weekend - Soccer a.m; footy focus; C4 racing; snooze & weather, Strictly, X-factor, snooze & weather, MOTD, real snooze.  Then on Sunday, Sunday Brunch, Sunday Brunch +1, snooze & weather, real snooze, walkies to the park (no, really!), Country File (Pa's idea), Strictly, X-factor, Downton, snooze & weather, MOTD, Bed.

It's no bloody wonder I'm cream-crackered!

Simon Gotobed,  Weekend-wonder,  xx.

'Spring forward, Fall back. . .'

Bugger that!  What's the bloody time, & where's my breakfast ?

Simon G, grumpy & confused canine,  xx.

I thought it was about time that I introduced myself . . . Hi, I'm Ziggy !

Guess what ?  I'm a fluffy white feline & I've written half a book - the other half u already know is by Simon Gotobed, a big hairy fella from Old England.

Like Simon, I'm not entirely sure how this has all happened, but it has - I've seen the paperback!

If you've not seen it yet (& u really should) then get yourself onto eBay and type in 'The Dog-Blog' . . . easy-peasy I think u humanoids might say!

Have a lovely foggy day out there, I'm going nowhere;  Ziggy,  xx.

I missed the footy !  I fell asleep on the rug in front of the goggle-box, just before kick-off - I think the boredom of the ITV warm-up knackered me out.

The good snooze was that I had a full-colour dream that I was starring in Strictly !  Up on my back legs, strutting my stuff, I was brilliant . . . in my dreams . . . what does it mean? Shouldn't I be dreaming about playing for England?

I had another snooze later and missed Emmerdale too, bugger.  I can't recall the dream sadly.

Simon Gotobed, More than Confused,  xx.

Pa's got a greenhouse with skylights in the top - it was sunny yesterday so he opened the roof - he shut them yesterday evening as heavy rain was forecast.  I'm just a Dog but even I knew that would make sense, I also have an addiction to watching weather forecasts and adverts, but that's by the by.

Are canines allowed to be sarcastic, or maybe ironic ?

& Please, no more ridiculous humanoid phrases - it's not raining 'cats & dogs' - just rain, lots of bloody water.

Simon Gotobed, planning another night in, watching the goggle-box,  xx.

Met a nice fella in the park today, his name was Oscar - sounded a bit posh to me - but a lovely fella anyway.  We got chatting about the footy tonight, he's not Old English like me, but an England fan nevertheless.  I don't know if he supports a local team too but he had a black & white spotty kit on . . .

Come on England!

Simon Gotobed,  Busy, busy,  xx.

The Dog-Blog & Ziggy's Nine Lives - a twin novella - a brand new paperback - available NOW on eBay - £6.95, free p&p - a bargain I'd say. xxx.

My first paperback book will soon be available - The Dog-Blog & Ziggy's Nine Lives - it's a twin novella !

It will apparently be available in bookshops and on eBay . . .

I've just been told this fantastic news, but I don't really understand it . . . I've written a book ?  & who the hell is Ziggy ?

Find out much more soon -  Simon Gotobed, v.talented canine so it seems,  xx.

Hi !  Hey, it's me, Simon G, I'm back !

Been on my hols with Pa - no real idea where, but probably up North if the weather forecasts were right - very wet & very windy.  British Summertime I think u humanoids would have called it . . .

The best bit ?  We had SKY Sports tv in our room !  As Pa is the dominant male he had full control of the remote of course, but no worries.  I thought he might collapse on Sunday night though, watching the golf - he was so excited - I joined in & bounced around a bit, u know, just for effect.  I don't really understand golf though, birdies? bogeys? etc - it makes no sense & I'm quite a clever canine . . .

Anyway, good to be home in Old England; I'm off to watch the weather forecasts and then put my four feet up & have a snooze . . . I know, it's a dog's life . . . xx.

Pa and I watched Downton Abbey last night, brilliant!  Apart from one thing - no dogs ?

I'm an Old English fella as you know, so I reckon I could fit straight into 1920 . . . I'll just need a morning suit, maybe 2 pairs of shiny shoes and a bit of hair-wax and I'll look the perfect part . . . I can see it now . . .

Master & servant?  Sounds good to me.

Simon Gotobed, or u may call me Lord Gotobed !  It's definitely got a ring to it,  xx.

Pa's taking us away for a holiday, a break I think he called it !

I think it must be a foreign holiday - maybe oriental ?  Apparently there's no wi-fi ?  & we won't be able to speak to anyone ?!

I do't really understand why we can't just learn their language . . .

Speak soon, hopefully, maybe, perhaps,  xx.

Lovin' the Paralympics, just bloody brilliant, incredible athletes, fantastico!

Lovin' Andy Murray so far so good in the US Open !

Lovin' this late Summer weather !

Lovin' the sausages I got for breakfast !

Lovin' the fact that Strictly's back v.soon !

Simon Gotobed, or Mr Positive if u prefer !
(Sponsored by Ronnie McDonald)  xx. 

Cleggeron are having a cabinet re-shuffle - about bloody time !  The country's going to the Dogs . . .

I think Gromit should be promoted to Chancellor, maybe with Wallace to assist him.
Scooby Doo would be ideal as Foreign Secretary & probably more use than William Hague.
Lassie should become Home Secretary ?
The Andrex puppy could be ideal as the Environment Secretary.

And I'd like to be Chief Whip - I've no idea what this means but it sounds great !

Thanks for listening,  Simon Gotobed,  Political Pundit,  xx.

I think I may be in love - with Laura Robson !

I know it's not right - in dog years I'm old enough to be her Dad - and yes I am a big,four-legged hairy fella - but she's gorgeous . . .

Just thought u should know, sorry, x.

P.S;  Did u watch the Paralympics opening ceremony ?  Yeah, brilliant, inspirational! x.

The London 2012 Paralympic Games start tonight !?  I'm so excited, even though I don't know much about them . . .

Still, I don't know too much about most things, but I still enjoy them.  'Jack of all trades, master of none' is a humanoid phrase I think - it may be appropriate . . .  Bloody raining 'cats & dogs' today by the way, definitely inappropriate for the opening ceremony.

It's all on C4 too - how weird !  I assume the BBC blew their budget on the Olympic coverage, not that I'm a business analyst or anything - I am just a dog remember . . .

Simon Gotobed,  Lovin' it again from tonight,  xx.

Pa's going to a funeral today - I'm not allowed to attend due to my inability to keep still - bouncing is apparently not acceptable in Church, Chapel or even cemetarys. . .

I don't know who's died, I assume they're humanoid - I don't think Pa would have a day off for a cat or a goldfish say . . . I wonder if he would for my big last day ?  Let's not think about it.

I'm hoping Robbie Williams can attend though - I want everyone to bounce, bounce, bounce !

Off for a kip now - enjoy your day if u can, or if it's appropriate . . . Simon G,  xx.

One small step for man, one giant leap for Dog-kind. . . .

Simon Gotobed, 2012.

xxx.

If u were wondering where I've been, let's just say I've been keeping a low profile . . .

Some embarrassing pics have been leaked - apparently I'm all over the internet - & now I'm front page news - how the hell did that happen ???

It's ludicrous really, I never wear any clothes anyway . . . maybe I should start wearing a pair of pants when I go out, u know, Superman style . . . what do u think ?

I'll leave it with u over the weekend - have a good one & keep your clothes on! - it's dangerous out there !

Simon G,  XXX.

I'm feeling ruff !!!

I've been in the surgery over the weekend with a bladder infection - I got out last night.  I think I must be getting old, but I still don't appreciate being prodded & poked . . .

I was bored stupid too - I didn't get any visitors - my humanoid family must have been too busy !?

I made a joke and gave a wave to the Persil-folks when I left, but I'm really not happy.

Just thought I should let u know, just in case u wondered where I'd been - did u miss me ?  Does anyone care ?

Simon Gotobed,  Old English fella,  getting older day by day,  xxx. 

Pa's mountain bike is back in the shed with two flat tyres, and it's raining here (no cats & dogs involved as far as I can see) . . . his Olympic inspiration is all but forgotten already . . .

The Good Snooze ?  Footy starts again tomorrow !  I'm predicting a Manchester Premiership win - that's all I can say for today.

Have a fun Weekend humanoids,  Simon G,  Old English fella,  xx.

I feel quite sorry for the Duke of Edinburgh - he seems to be in & out of hospital quite a bit this year . . .

I wonder if they prod & poke him like they do me when I pay a visit to my surgery - and check the remainder of his boy-bits - all very unnecessary I'm sure . . . still, he's not getting any younger, a bit like me except I'm an Old English fella.  What's Pip ?  Scottish, Greek, German ?  Who knows !

Lord knows who'll look after all those awards for young humanoids whilst he's in hospital . . .

Have a brill day, it's nearly the Weekend - apparently that's great news if you're a working humanoid - I don't have time for work - far too busy !  Catch u soon,  Simon G,  xx.

Great, just about sums up my day - it's starting to bloody rain !

Bored, bored, bored . . .

Phil Spencer's not returning my calls either !?

Have a good humanoid day if u can,  xx.

I think I might be ill - I may have OHS (Olympic Handover Syndrome) - I'm suddenly so tired & so bored.  It was so bad last night that I watched Eastenders three times . . . that can't be good for me surely !

I reckon the only real solution is to relocate to Rio & enjoy their Olympic built-up - for four years ?!
I'm going to try to get hold of Phil & Kirsty today on C4, just to get some relocation tips.

Have a brill day if u can,  Simon G, OHS, PhD, OMG,  xxx.

Well that's it then for another four years - roll on Rio !

My London 2012 Legacy . . . well I still don't own a bike, I'll never fit in a canoe, I'd look ridiculous waxed & spray-tanned wearing tiny pants, I can't grow side-burns, I can't run very far, or very fast, and I get knackered just watching . . . but, bloody hell, it was fantastic - brilliant - marvellous - unbelieveable - wonderful !

That's all folks as Bugs Bunny used to say, for now anyway.

Simon Gotobed, Time for a kip to sleep off his Olympic hangover,  xx.

I'm starting training for Rio 2016 next week - I think Boxing could be my event !

I'm a south-Paw, I'm planning to braid my floppy ears back & then hopefully watch Rocky 1 to 5 over the weekend - perfect Olympic preparation I reckon . . .

My deed-poll application didn't go ahead by the way, I couldn't find the form - completing it & posting it was going to be far too tricky anyway - I can't lick stamps either, I just swallow them . . .

So I'm not going to be Simon Usain GotoBolt after all, shame really.  xx.

Good morning everyone, sorry I've been absent this week, just been a bit busy watching Team GB - morning, noon & night I think u might say !

I'm a bit worried the Gold-rush has slowed but I'm sure there's more to come.

I'm off for a quick swim now, then a few miles on the bike, then a dash round the park . . . I bloody wish !  I'm knackered & sweaty just watching the goggle-box - & that's what I'm planning to do all day again today - my Olympic legacy may just be a fat arse and sweaty front armpits - not quite what Seb had in mind I'd guess.

Anyway, have a brill day,  Simon Gotobed,  Old English bone-idle Fella,  xx.

I'm changing my name by deed poll to Simon Usain GotoBolt . . .

Nothing more needs to be said.

Oh, apart from huge congratulations to Jess, Mo, Greg, Big Ben, Andy M & all the rest of the fabulous TeamGB.  xx.

Have a brill Monday humanoids, hopefully another Golden Day.

I've got bigger back-legs than Sir Chris Hoy . . . shame I don't own a bike. . .

Not sure I'd fit into a canoe either . . .

You'll probably be pleased to know I don't own a shotgun either . . .

What a day !  I'm off to practice my stroke on Pa's rowing machine, he's gone to work in a taxi today ?  I think he left his bike at work yesterday . . . it was raining I suppose . . . lightweight I'd say if I dare !?

Simon Gotobed,  Daily Olympic Updates,  xx.

GB Golden day yesterday !  You heard it here first remember . . .

Today I've managed to dip my floppy ears in some food colouring I sniffed-out in the kitchen - I now have tikka side-burns !

Pa's gone to work on his bike . . .

Simon Gotobed,  London 2012 Super-Pundit,  xx.

If I don't make the Gymnastics Team I've decided to learn to ride a horse - how hard can it be ?  I'll look great in a hard hat, I can just fold my floppy ears under and off we go.  I'm not entirely sure I'll get my hairy back legs into a pair of jodhpurs though . . . I may need a big horse too, do u think Shire horses can jump ?

Zara & I could be heading for Rio 2016 !  Cool.

Back to the goggle-box for now, a busy day ahead - rowing, Wiggo's time-trial, more gymnastics (I may pick up a few tips), Footy and swimming . . . I'm exhausted just thinking about it !

Hope it's a Golden GB Day !?  Simon Gotobed,  Lovin' it!  xx.

I've decided to take up gymnastics, in fact I plan to be Team GB Captain by Rio 2016 - I'm in similar physical condition to Louis Smith, I'm far better looking & I've got way better hair . . .

How hard can it be ?  I reckon the vault will be my best piece, I can just picture it now . . . & I think I'll be pretty good with the floor exercise - I have natural bounce of course !  To be honest though my paws may be a bit big for the rings and the pomel-horse looks a bit tricky - my hair might get in my eyes - I might have to wear a head-band . . . can u picture me yet ???

Simon Gotobed,  Olympic Dreams,  xx.

P.S;  Well done GB boys, just bloody Brilliant !

BOOM !  Danny Boyle;  BOOM !  Lizzy A;  BOOM !  Becky A.

Well done Team GB, bad luck Cav, really sad for Paula.

I'm an Olympic pundit today . . . Simon Gotobed, Lovin' in,  xx.

DAY 0 - Let the Games begin . . .

I've decided to get behind some GB winners, so I'm not too fussed on the footy, I've decided to follow swimming & cycling for the first few days !

We're watching the Opening Ceremony tonight & getting in the mood with a Chinese - I didn't even know Pa knew anyone Chinese . . . I'm really looking forward to it !?

Have a wonderful Olympic weekend everyone,  xx.

Bloody hell it's hot !  Not a day for wearing a big hairy-furry coat from nose to tip . . .

Luckily I'm no longer in training for London 2012, so it must be time for a kip.

All set for tonight ?  Team GB footy !  I bet u can't wait . . .

Simon Gotobed, Old English fella with a twist,  xx.

I thought I should let u know - K9S has ceased trading - I just couldn't get the dog-power together quickly enough . . .  Sorry!  But the army has stepped in now so everything will be fine for London 2012, Seb told me.

My bouncing plans for the Olympics have also been knocked back, so I'm not actually attending at all now . . . Sorry again!

The good snooze is that I can watch it all 24/7 on the BBC on the goggle-box, without even having to leave our house !  Just like all u humanoids, I might even got some treats in, I reckon I could easily put half a stone on in the next few weeks . . . my legacy ?

Catch u soon,  Simon Gotobed,  Olympic Officianado,  xx.

Wiggo !  Wiggo !  Wiggo !

Sorry it's late, but I've been rather tied up.  Pa's gone to work on his bike today . . .

I would have, but a) I don't work, & b) I don't own a bike, & c) you can't teach an old dog new tricks !  Unless you include card tricks, but that's another story.

Simon Gotobed, Back in the Groove & Lovin' it,  xx.

I'm STILL in the Doghouse - don't ask !  No, really . . .

Hope u have a great weekend, I clearly won't.  It's still bloody raining too.

Simon Gotobed,  Not my fault,  xx.

I'm back in the Doghouse again today (our garage) . . .

Pa came home early yesterday and caught me wearing his high-Viz jacket - I was just practicing, u know, getting into the role for K9S - he didn't understand . . . luckily he didn't hear me practicing my speech to the Olympics committee earlier either !!!

Lots of thinking & planning to do today, but don't worry, still 9 days to go, it's all under control, I think, I hope.

Simon Gotobed, K9S Supremo.

P.S;  It's raining again today, so I wasn't planning going out much anyway . . .

Please don't worry about all this rubbish on the snooze - London 2012 security is now under my full control !  I'm just finalizing the details & organizing my staff - labradors, sheepdogs & alsations mainly as they're used to the work . . .

Just one sticking point really with the Olympic committee - u humanoids won't mind being sniffed instead of frisked will u ? ? ?

Simon Gotobed, K9S Chief,  xx.

Being a proud Old English fella I've decided to save my country from worldwide embarressment !

The London 2012 Olympics security fiasco ends today, my new company has been formed - K9S . . .

There are 11 days to go, so it's not a problem, just leave it with me.  I'll invoice Seb Coe later, really, it's no problem, just relax.  You're all in safe hands now - big hairy paws to be precise.

Have a lovely Monday,  Simon Gotobed, CEO, K9S.  xx.

I'm definitely going to the Olympics, London 2012 !

Even if I don't make the GB Team as number 1 Bouncing specialist, I've decided to become a security officer, that way I'm sure to get in . . .

If I'm too big & hairy for the uniform I can just go as a sniffer-dog - I can sniff out chocolate from 30 paces, so surely with a bit of training explosives & drugs won't be too tricky . . .

This is my new plan, but for today I'll keep calm & carry on bouncing, just in case I get a late call-up.

Have a fab weekend,  Simon Gotobed,  Old English fella with Olympic ambitions,  xx.

The sun is out, the sky is blue, the sand-bags have gone, and the terrorists didn't arrive - I think they're concentrating on the Olympics by the looks of the Snooze last night . . .

I'm just glad to be alive today !  Can't wait to get out into the garden & have a splash-about in our new garden lake, it's at the bottom of the garden, I don't think Pa ordered it, it just appeared !  Brill !

Have a fun Thursday humanoids - it's Summer today, for One day only perhaps,  Simon Gotobed,  xx.

Wow, how lucky are we !?

The terrorists didn't arrive !  & even better, when the huge thunder storm came yesterday we were the only house in our street not to be flooded downstairs, although I stayed upstairs all day anyway.

Such a lucky coincidence I'd say - although I still don't know why Pa got the dates wrong with the potential terrorist attack, or why he thought they might steal our furniture . . . surely they'd have looked upstairs eventually . . . he's such an arse at times !

Have a lovely day & stay dry if u can,  Simon Gotobed,  not seen a weather forecast in days,  xx.

I think Pa's expecting trouble, maybe a terrorist attack or gang warfare?  He's got sandbags blocking our front door, he's moved all his furniture & stuff upstairs and he's parked his Audi at the top of the road out of sight . . .

Maybe he works for MI5 & I never knew ?  Perhaps I should get in touch with my pal Spy Dog to assist if needed ?  Maybe I'll just sleep on it for a while - I'm going upstairs to try to find my blanket & have a kip.

Have a lovely day,  Simon Gotobed,  missing the goggle-box already,  xx.

Well he'll obviously never be English, but he's certainly still British, and definitely Scottish.

Me & Pa thought he did pretty well . . . maybe better next year . . .

Enjoy your Monday humanoids - the start of another exciting week on planet Earth !?

Simon Gotobed,  xx.

The Friday Name Game !

Ramos, Diamond, Knobby, Button, Iniesta, Bent, Ferrer, Ferret, Bill, Fernando, Mr Osbourne, Mr Balls, Billy, David, Christopher E, Gordon R, AVB, RVP, OMG, Novak, Roger the Dodger, Mr McEnroe, Lewis, Murray-mint.

Thankyou, & Good Luck to u all.

Simon Gotobed,  Old English fella, Staying in all weekend & Watching the goggle-box,  xx.

Well done Mr Murray, bloody brilliant I'd say.

I think u should rest today, just curl up in your basket if u have one, and snooze.  Then maybe a light lunch, lean meat (cooked if u prefer) and lots of fluids, but no alcohol in case it makes you too happy too soon.  Snooze again this afternoon and then if you're lucky Ivan might give u a once-over later - you're chin & head could both do with a close clipping . . .

Relax tonight and maybe watch Rocky 1 for inspiration, invite Rafa round for some tips perhaps.

Good luck Friday big British fella, from Simon G, Old English fella,  xx.

P.S;  Ring me if u need me !

Humanoids have so many ridiculous sayings it's hard to keep track, but just one comes to mind today - it's raining cats & dogs !

I think it has been now for at least 40 days & 40 nights, I think that might mean something too . . .

Either way, it's bloody awful.  Pa's thinking of getting a sliding roof over our garden so he can still play swingball.  By the way, Good luck today Mr Murray, best of British & all that !

Simon Gotobed, Rain Analyst,  xx.

THE DOG-BLOG.
2012 Kindle edition, page 28.

In the middle of the field there is a solitary four-legged grey fella, who looks from here like a small horse, but more like a zebra without any stripes - maybe a Scottish zebra?  I wonder what language he speaks.  He's definitely male, I can see from here - for a minute I thought he had five legs . . .

Download the 2012 Ebook Bestseller TODAY???

The good news is that I'm not related to any Alsations, the bad news is that I think my tv addiction is getting worse.  I'm still in Olympic training mode too . . .

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce !
Andy Murray's still a great British player . . .

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce !
Mario Ballotelli - what a guy . . .

Bounce, bounce, bounce !
Rafa Nadal - oops . . .

Bounce-bounce !
Bob Diamond, what an arse . . .

Bounce !
Simon Gotobed, too much bouncing & definitely too much goggle-boxing - I'm not even a sporty type of fella !?
Have a brill weekend,  xx.

I'm in training for the British Olympics Team, London 2012 - you've probably heard a bit about it on the snooze . . .

'Bouncing for England' is an Olympic event I assume ?  It's certainly my best event, apart from scoffing perhaps, but that's not really a sport, just pure enjoyment.  I can bounce with the best of them I reckon, although if it's hot I do tend to get a bit hot & itchy . . . anyway, more practice again today.
My only real concern is if I create a trans-gender debate ! - I had my balls removed at an early age - it could get really embarrassing, but I hope not, I really want to represent my country . . .

Simon Gotobed,  Gold Medal Prospect,  Mens/Womens Bouncing Event,  London 2012,  xx.

We watched Wimbledon on the goggle-box for a bit last night - Brit Andy Murray beat some old fella pretty easily, 'short & sweet' said Pa.  I reckon Pa could have given the old fella a good game if I'm being honest - but I'm no expert . . . still, a great start for Mr Murray.

A quiet snooze day today, if I can be bothered I might pop next door later and shake paws with their cat, just to be topical, it's been a long time now . . .

Have fun,  Simon Gotobed,  Old English fella,  xx.

The sun is shining here today & I'm feeling much brighter Thanks!

Footy season has finished and Wimbledon has started, hurrah!  Andy Murray plays today . . . Good Luck! (he's going to need lots of it).

If he loses early he may be in trouble, no doubt the tabloid press will be looking into his tax arrangements for their next story . . .

Simon Gotobed,  Old English & British today,  xx.

Ok, let's just admit it - it was an awful weekend.

Pa buggered off on Friday, it rained, Cliff Richard missed Hackney, it rained, Lewis Hamilton crashed, it rained, Pa got home Sunday teatime, still raining, and England lost on penalties . . .

The good news is that it's Monday !!!

And I might might not be 100% Old English - I may have a German ancestry . . . I can't say anymore until I've traced my family tree, I'll let you know Thursday or Sunday . . .

Pa's bogging off for the weekend - just bloody wonderful - I'm being packed off to Barkingham Palace !!

The food's basic, the rooms are sparse, the company's usually crap and there's no goggle-box . . .

Just soddin' great, can't not wait for the weekend.

And it's raining.

Have a great day,  Simon G,  xx.

I always knew we'd qualify for the knockout-stage, it was never in doubt, I don't know why u were even worried - group winners!?

Italy next, probably then Germany and then maybe Spain in the final - a piece of cake !

Simon Gotobed,  Old English fella getting ahead of himself . . . xx.

P.S;  Accurate prediction - media interest will intensify, expectation levels will rise - I almost sound like I know what I'm talking about (but I don't!) . . .

In-ger-Land,  In-ger-Land,  In ger Land !!

So excited & so nervous all at once - probably like your Wedding day, not that I'll ever know . . .

IN -GER-LAND !

Enjoy the game if u can,  Simon Gotobed, Jumping on the Bandwagon,  xx.

I'm in the Doghouse - again - but I really shouldn't be. . .

I noticed the two steaks as Pa put them in the fridge - he shouldn't have let me sniff them on their way through the kitchen.  He really ought to have a more secure fridge - a swift left paw stroke and it opens like magic, that's surely a manufacturing fault?!

The only mistake I really made was scoffing them too quick, then being sick on my blanket!
I spent last night in the garage with dry biscuits and water, no tv.

It rained anyway and the barbecue was cancelled so I don't know what all the fuss was about.

Simon Gotobed,  Today's another Day,  Keep smiling I say,  xx.

Apparently we might now win Euro 2012 !

As I may have said before, I'm no expert pundit . . .

Have a brill English weekend - windy, sunshine & showers - I am an expert on the weather !

Simon Gotobed,  still v. proud to be Old English,  xx.

Can't wait for tonight, I'm off out with Pa, he's driving.  Beers, burgers and footy, just bloody lovely!

I hope he doesn't get too excited, there's no way I'm driving him home . . .

My prediction - England to win 1-0.  Downing to score.

By the way, I know nothing about football so don't put money on the above, I will not be held responsible for any betting irregularities ! ?

Simon Gotobed,  Old English fella,  xx.

I think I'd like to live in the USA and then I could probably get a job . . .

Apparently Police Dogs in the states have their own Police officer number and badge !  They have the same rights as u humanoids - I heard this on the radio yesterday, how bloody brilliant!

I can see myself as a cop, maybe like Columbo (but without the rain-mac), or Dirty Harry, maybe not Kojak though - I'm far too hairy.  If I had a partner I think I'd be more Starsky than Hutch.
Just a thought . . .

Is cheese & onion quiche a good or a bad idea for breakfast???

Simon Gotobed, Potential Law Enforcement Officer;  maybe one day,  xx.

I live in The Midlands, the East Midlands I think - I'm not a geography student, but I do watch the weather forecasts, a lot!

Thankfully I don't live in the south-west, the south-east, Wales, the north-west, the north-east, Scotland or Syria.  I think that pretty much covers it - I'm just very lucky it seems - and glad to be alive. . .

I'm off for a Snooze and weather update if I can find the tv remote;  have a brill day,  xx.

P.S;  If u live in Greece, Spain, Portugal, Ireland, Cyprus or Italy don't bother going to the Bank today, just hide your Euros under your bed . . .

Ok so it wasn't that wonderful, maybe not inspiring, possibly not the beautiful game, but a point is a point apparently!  Looking forward to Friday already.

Got a busy day today, need to plan the Ark as Pa the lazy arse never managed to build his . . .
Might have a kip first though - have a great day!

Remember to be proud Old English like me ! ?   xx.

Excited ? ?  Yeah, me too - really excited in fact, can't bloody wait for 5pm !

England v France, kick off 5pm - be proud, be optimistic for now, be realistic later perhaps . . .

Be like me, just enjoy it if we can, be Old English.

Simon Gotobed,  has a friend who really is a British Bulldog (his name is Wayne!?),  xx.

Motorways are amazing!

I went out with Pa last night down the M1, I unfortunately had an appointment at the surgery due to my dicky tummy (u really don't want the details - a messy business).  He drives his Audi at Clarkson-speed most of the time - even last night when the weather was awful - it was 'raining cats & dogs' as u humanoids might say !
I'm sure he was in full control of course, but u just never know do u - even when your best friend is driving . . .

But guess what?  The signs on the motorway were showing concern for me!  I'm always put on a blanket in the back, just to be on the safe side, but how did they know how I was feeling last night?  They illuminated high above the road, for all to see, SKID RISK . . .

Isn't technology amazing, telepathetic even . . . Simon Gotobed, Living on the Edge,  xx.

Why didn't u tell me?  Why didn't anyone mention it?  Is it really starting tomorrow?  Euro 2012 Footy !!

Have Old English sent a team to God knows where ?  Why aren't Brazil in it - didn't they qualify?

I'm so confused, as per usual.  I'm off for a kip, I think I need to re-charge my batteries (another crazy humanoid phrase I seem to have picked up!).

Have a great day,  Simon Gotobed, definitely Old English, not British, or Scottish . . .

Wow !  What a weekend that was !  I'm knackered - so much eating, drinking, dancing & flag-waving . . . I was exhausted just watching on the goggle-box - I never left the house all weekend - Jubilee hypnotism in HD.

Pa did consider spraying me red, white and blue but I think he thought better of it when he realized he'd be the one having to bath me later . . .

Proud to be Old English,  Simon Gotobed,  xx.

Pa and I have got a really, really busy weekend ahead.

The Queen and her grumpy old geezer are coming round for tea tonight - Pa probably won't be bothered to cook so I'm guessing fish 'n chips as it's Friday.  If he decides to splash out it might be Indian takeaway, but I'm not too sure if they like Indian . . .

Tomorrow night Pa's out on the lash with Harry - it could be a late one I reckon, it could get messy I suspect . . . I'm staying in and keeping a low profile.

On Sunday we're going out with William and his gorgeous young wife, I think a picnic is likely but it apparently depends on the weather - I think we all really ought to eat something, especially Kate.  If it rains we might end up at KFC, but we'll see . . .

On Monday the Queen's got a busy day I'm told so I'm dog-sitting the Corgis' !  Just my bloody luck, a pack of rowdy little fellas - just bloody great, Thanks!

This is what Pa's got planned, I was just hoping for a quiet Jubilee weekend, but hey - go with the flow I say . . .
Have a good one,  Simon Gotobed, Royal Correspondent, xx.

It's Thursday and I'm bored - home alone, I can't find the TV remote and the radio won't come on despite several whacks . . .

The good news is that my hay-fever seems to have gone, the bad news is that it's starting to rain . . .

Still, I'm not one to moan . . .

What the hell is a Jubilee by the way?  Nobody ever tells me anything.

Simon Gotobed, Not even Looking Forward to his Weekend,  xx.

THE PIGEON IS DEAD !

Was it suicide? a cry for help?  Was it murder? or natural causes?  Just old age maybe . . .

Pa removed it's life-less body from our garden using a garden implement, he was very careful and very methodical, he didn't ruffle any feathers - no finger-prints were left . . .

I think someone shot it - I saw a trace of blood - OMG!  I could be living with a cold, calculated, trained killer!?

Simon Gotobed, shivering & confused.

Do canines normally get hay-fever?  My bloody nose is streaming, making my hairy head very sticky, and yes very unattractive . . .

I'm not happy - why me?  My wet nose is very, very wet, and my paws aren't ideally designed for tissue use . . . it's a bloody nightmare.

Just thought you should know - Simon Gotobed, miserable mutt today,  xx.

HOT - Hot - hot !!!

What a beautiful morning, what a gorgeous day, not a cloud in the sky, just glorious . . .

I'm staying in all day & watching the goggle-box, it's far too hot for me, keeping the windows shut because the bloody flies annoy me and thinking I may have hay-fever, is this our Summer then?

Simon Gotobed, big hairy fella, maybe got sun-stroke yesterday, very itchy-sticky today, staying in to watch the forecasts . . . xx.

I've decided the best option is just to have no expectations of humanoids at all - that way I won't keep on getting disappointed . . . it's just safer and easier in the long run . . .

Now and again they might make me happy.

Simon Gotobed, having a tough week & thinking too much,  xx.

Watched 'the snooze' again with Pa last night - why are humanoids so horrible to one another?

Anyway, Pa keeps smirking and reckons he's going to book a holiday to Greece - he thinks he'll get a great deal for the Summer?  I'm really not that bothered, I've never been abroad apart from Scotland.

I think my passport may have run out anyway . . .

Enjoy the sun,  xx.

How the hell did that happen then ?  Summer arrived and nobody had warned me - I haven't seen a forecast in days . . . how long is it here for ?

I'm hot and sweaty already wearing this big hairy-furry coat . . . maybe I should ring Gok Wan and ask him to come round and get me naked . . . then I'd have to wear suntan lotion - all over, not just on my nose . . .

Simon Gotobed, Seasonally confused, Often confused,  xx.

OMG !  I've been to another world !  Pa took me to London for a few days, visiting some other humanoids he knows - they live in Notting Hill!  I've seen the film, it made Pa cry . . .

Beautiful houses and parks all over the place, and so so many humanoids, but none of them seemed to speak Old English . . . maybe we did visit another planet?  Maybe I just fell asleep for longer than I thought on the journey there . . .

Is London in England?  I'm sure it is, I've seen it on 'the snooze' . . . is there another London?

So confused today, yeah, like many days, yep.  xx.

I went out last night with Pa to visit some relatives a good few miles away (humanoid relatives, not mine), and Pa drove (obviously!) in his new Audi A5 (I saw it on Top Gear) & he drove at full 'Clarkson-speed' . . .

We stayed quite late & I snoozed off on the way home listening to Adele (she was on the radio, not actually in the car) - what a wonderful song - 'Someone like You' is, just beautiful.

I just thought I'd mention it . . . have a brill Friday . . . & a brill weekend . . . try Adele 21 - it's brill too . . . xx.

The Euro-zone is in crisis;  the UK economy is shrinking;  Greece is nearly bankrupt;  Unemployment is down a bit, but long-term is still going up;  Mervyn King doesn't know what day it is;  Inflation is out of control . . .

I watched the snooze last night - it's all so depressing apparently - luckily I didn't understand a word of it really - I just nodded politely as Pa shouted at the goggle-box - I think it's therapeutic !?

My biggest worry today is that i'll be getting chunks & water for dinner - again! - 'times are hard?'
I'd love sausages today . . .

I'm off for a kip and hopefully a sausage-inspired dream (that's not a humanoid-weirdo thing - just sausages).  It's a dog's life again today . . . xx.

Why do u humanoids insist on wearing footwear with tie-up laces in ?  They're such a pain - Pa grunts & groans every morning when he's tying his laces - why not just wear slip-ons?

I don't use footwear - my big hairy paws are all four fine on their own thanks!  But if I ever did need to cover them I reckon two pairs of big wellys would do the job just fine . . .

Random thought for Today,  Simon Gotobed,  xx.

The chirpy ginger fella on Radio 2 has finally lost the plot - he reckons it's snowing all over the place !

It's sunny here, 'a cold but bright start' as the forecaster would say.  I'm home alone so I whacked on the radio and had a quick wiggle.  I'm now knackered and having a long lie-down - I'm obviously not as young as I used to be . . .

Humanoids have so many ridiculous sayings - what's your favourite?  Tweet me!

Simon Gotobed,  xx.

Wow - did u see the Blue Moon rise over Manchester last night ?

How exciting, just a brilliant end to the Premiership season !

Me & Pa watched the results on Gillette Soccer - I thought the chubby fella, u know, the none too bright one, was going to explode in extra-time !  It was a fantastic ending.

I didn't watch MOTD last night . . . couldn't be arsed really . . .

Have a brill Monday, a whole new exciting week ahead - then the Champions League Final on Saturday!  Pa may burst with excitement before too long as well as Merson!

Watched Britains Got Talent last night on the goggle-box with Pa - Congratulations Pudsey!!! (& Ashleigh!)

Another extremely talented canine . . . yeah, I know what you're thinking . . . I could enter next year - but I'm not one to show-off, u know, blow my own trumpet . . . bloody hell, if I could do that I'd be another sure-fire winner !?

Have a sunny Sunday,  Simon Gotobed, big, hairy & super-talented,  xx.

I've got that Friday-feeling!  I don't really know what that is, but I know u humanoids often get it, usually on a Friday I'd guess . . .

It might just be that I'm a little bit in love - it might just be the excitement of Sunday's footy (come on Manchester!) - or it might just be that I ate a lump of smelly cheese for breakfast - but whatever, I feel a bit weird today, not my abnormal self u might say.

I'm going for a lie-down before I fall down (can't risk that, I might get whisked off to the surgery to see the Persil-man). . .

Have a fab weekend, it starts here, unless you listen too much to the radio then it started about Wednesday.

Simon G, #FridayFeeling,  xx. 

I'm so confused !  I think I might be in love !

But my life is so complicated - I'm torn between Pudsey on BGT and David Walliams - both so talented & funny . . .

What should I do?  Being sexually insecure is so tough, especially for a big hairy Old English fella . . .

Have a great day out there,  Simon G,  XX.

I've always liked to think I was a good-looking, well-groomed, hairy kind of fella, u know, with a certain flair, a bit of style - yeah?

Last night I heard Pa talking when he was supposed to be building his Ark in the bedroom - he was talking about 'doggie-style'?? . . . why was he talking about me? & why was he making so much noise in there?

Humanoids are very odd at times - most of the time actually . . .

Have a brill day - maybe do it 'doggie-style' today???

Simon Gotobed, Stylish Prime Specimen,  xx.

I had a really boring long Bank holiday weekend - what's the point when it's cold & raining?
The only good bit was The Rocket winning the snooker, just genius, just brilliant.

Pa was banging around all weekend in the spare bedroom - I think he's made a start on his Ark but I'm really not sure he should be using laminate boards . . . maybe I'll take a peek when everyone's out today.

Back to reality and a short week - what day is it ?

My Friday Name Game.

Will u be in it ?  Any suggestions ?  Random or real ?  It's the only place to be on a Friday . . .

Vera,  Vincent Kompany,  Shane Dean,  Mr Trump,  Cleggeron,  Gareth H,  Maddie,  Papiss Cisse,  Rocket-man,  The Mayor,  Scott T.

That's this weeks first 11 - will u be in next week's first team?  Send me a tweet . . .

Simon G,  Team Manager,  xx.    

Mr Trump was blown-away earlier in the week.
Stephen will never now become Hendry the Eighth.
The Thunder from DownUnder crashed last night.
Welsh and Scotsmen are still battling on.
The Rocket is looking awesome, surely it's his to lose . . .

Simon Gotobed,  Snooker Loopy,  xx.

Pa's worried he's not fit & proper to run a global Company . . . ?

I don't think he needs to worry, but I didn't say anything outloud, just in my hairy-head as usual.

He should be more worried that maybe he's just not 'fit' - I bet he wishes he was a mean, lean, prime specimen like yours truly!

Simon Gotobed,  Snooze Analyst,  xx.

P.S; - The Ark build is on hold for a few days, but we'll see . . .

Manchester - Manchester - Manchester, Manchester - Manchester, Man-ches-ter !!!

I told u ages ago Manchester would win the Premier League, & I'm still not wrong.

Simon Gotobed,  Footy Pundit,  xx.

Staying in all day today - Pa's starting work on his Ark apparently.

I need to do some seriouse thinking about my sexual preferences - if that doesn't work I might just watch the snooker.  Decisions, decisions,  xx.

I've been watching the snooker on the goggle-box a bit this week - in the afternoons when I'm home alone I've managed to get control of the remote, my big hairy paws aren't exactly well-designed for such devices, but if all else fails I've found I can use my tongue and with more luck than judgement still get the bloody thing on the right channel, Beeb 2 I think.  Pa has remarked on the stickiness of the remote some evenings but I just play the dumb animal card and keep quiet.

My favourite player is usually 'The Rocket', Ronnie, he's just great.  But I've also got a liking now for Judd Trump!  What a bloody fantastic name, even in my language - especially in my language!

Simon Gotobed (yep, another brilliant name),  Professional Goggle-box Watcher,  xx.

p.s;  Have a fantastic weekend;  p.p.s;  u might get wet!  x.

I watch 'the-snooze' as u probably know, but I'm no political expert or economic analyst . . .
Apparently we're officially now in a 'double-dip', just bumping along ?!

Is this some humanoid weirdo euphamism?  If it is, make up your own jokes . . . I don't really understand - I am just a Dog remember - never forget that.  Smart, but still canine.

Simon Gotobed,  Slightly Confused,  xx.

Don't u just sometimes feel it's great to be alive??

I do today - yesterday I visited the guy dressed in the white Persil gear at the surgery - he gave me a good once-over - embarrassing but worth it !

He said to Pa afterwards that I was an A1 prime specimen, a credit to my breed and to Pa!?

What the hell has it got to do with him?  I'm the 'dogs-bollocks' apparently . . . very inappropriate as it happens.

I feel great today though, how about u ?

xx.

It was raining cats & dogs here last night (I know, a ridiculous humanoid saying) - hammering it down, hail-stones, the lot.

Pa reckons he's going to have to build an Ark - u know, like Noah!  Now I'm really worried . . . I haven't got a partner . . . & I don't even know if I want one . . . what if I get left behind?

A Dog's life is so complex sometimes.  xx.

Happy Monday!  How u doing today?  Isn't it great to be alive ?  Of course it is . . . & a whole new week ahead of us . . . just brilliant!

I had a fab weekend catching up with the footy (yeah, I'm a big Premiership fan) - Gillette Soccer Saturday, on Saturday funnily enough, Match of the Day on Saturday night, repeated on Sunday morning - so I watched it again and gave my own commentary, and Match of the Day 2 on Sunday night - all brilliant.

I think Manchester will win the title now!

Simon Gotobed, Footy Pundit,  xx.

Random-Word Friday.

Purple - lifestyle - fog - Gilbert - deport - Lime - Phillip - Doggie - envelopes - photos - Declan.

Thanks for that,  see you Monday,  have a fantastic weekend.

Simon Gotobed,  Wordsmith,  xx.

I've been a very bad Dog - a very naughty boy - I might get deported - then again maybe not, maybe yes, maybe no, of course I will, but then again no, I might appeal, delay the inevitable, then I'll have to go, maybe . . .

Simon G, snooze-watcher and weather-forecast addict.

P.S;  It's still bloody raining here!  xx. (It's apparently v. hot in Jordan)

Hey, guess who's back?  It's me, Simon G, not the Slim Shady . . .

We've been to Cornwall I think - maybe it was Devon - maybe both ?!  Anyway it was brill, lots of rain, a bit of sleet, foggy at night, a sprinkling of hail one day, and even a bit of sun on Sunday!  I loved it - Pa didn't - his car's a mess and now he's come home to do lots of washing & ironing before going back to work tomorrow - I loved it!

It's a Dog's Life so u say,  xx.

I won't be around for a few days, I'm going somewhere with Pa apparently, haven't got a clue where or why - it's all a bit last minute.com !

I'm thinking Wales, maybe Scotland, or perhaps even England . . . anyway, somewhere exotic in April . . .

Catch up soon,  Simon Gotobed,  World Traveller,  xx.

Back to normal hopefully today - I spent most of yesterday in the dog-house (the garage), having been sick on Sunday afternoon . . .

I don't think I'll eat any more chocolate now until Christmas - I probably won't have any choice to be honest!

Anyway, have a great day, I'm off to get my breakfast - chunks & water, yippeeee!!  xx.

Sniffed 'em, found 'em, opened 'em, scoffed 'em!

Now I'm in big trouble - well I will be later - but at the moment I just don't care . . .

Happy Easter,  Simon Gotobed,  Top Scoffer,  xx.

Still no sniff of chocolate yet here . . .

How about you?  Easter Eggs galore no doubt . . . .

GOOD Friday ??  What's bloody good about it?  I'm stuck in the house, home-alone, I can't find the tv remote and even if I could I can hardly ever get it to bloody work, it's raining outside, and I still see no sign of my chocolate Eggs . . .

Happy Easter,  Simon Gotobed,  on a less-than-average Friday . . . xx.

It snowed here yesterday, wind, rain, sleet, the lot - the road at the end of our street was flooded . . .
Today the hosepipe-ban has apparently started . . .
The cricket season starts tomorrow . . .
It's Easter this weekend and I can't sniff a chocolate Egg anywhere in this house . . .

Life is so complicated, especially humanoid-life, even for a smart-Dog like me.

Have fun if u can, xx.

It's bloody snowing here!

Can't stop and chat, sorry, I need to keep up-to-the-minute with the forecasts - not that I'm going anywhere . . .

Have a lovely wintery day,  Simon G,  WF Addict,  xx.

Another brilliant dream last night and it seemed to last all night, right up until I was rudely woken this morning.
But I've realised something really weird - in all my dreams I'm a sort of humanoid/sheepdog cross? - I think I may need therapy, psycho-analysis maybe . . . This is so weird, brilliant dreams, but so weird.

I can't tell you any details of last night's full-length episode by the way or the celebs involved would very likely take legal action - it was a thriller is all I can say.

Have a brill day,  Simon G,  xx.

I had a really vivid dream last night - in full colour and surround sound - it was bizarre!

I went shopping with Clare Balding - we were trying lots of big hats on and we both looked great . . .
Then I was with Gok Wan in specsavers and he was trying to make me wear some big black specs?!
And then I was with Simon Cowell in M&S lingerie dept and he was having a bra-fitting . . .

I really must stop eating cheese before bed/basket and maybe watch less tv.

Have a manic Monday,  Simon G,  xx.

I hope your morning's been more interesting and exciting than mine . . . Pa and I have just sat in a queue outside Tesco for about an hour in his Audi - he needed petrol for the weekend?!  I snoozed off for a bit but Pa woke me up every now and again when he shouted abuse at someone or something - luckily he had the car windows up and the radio on so I think I was probably the only one that heard . . . apparently it's all David Cameron and George Osbourne's fault !?

Have a lovely weekend but don't drive too far - u might not get back,  xx.

I'm really tired today - I'll re-phrase that - I'm absolutely knackered!

Pa said we lost an hour at the weekend??  Well I've not found mine, some bugger must have had it . . .

Going for a power-snooze, catch u soon,  Simon G,  xx.

I'm planning to spend most of my day in our back garden - sunbathing!

I watched the forecast last night and today may be the last day of Summer . . .

The seasons are buggered basically - just thought I'd let u know.  Have a great day,  Simon G,  xx.

What a gorgeous day, and do you know the best bit? - I knew it would be!  Watched five different forecasts yesterday and I'm now back upto speed.  Just thought I'd let u know . . .

Me and Pa watched Monday night football last night (it was Monday wasn't it?) - Manchester United won - I'm a big Manchester fan of course, sometimes City and sometimes United, depending on who's top really - a true fan, an armchair/lounge rug fan u might say.

Catch u soon,  Simon G,  TV Critic/addict,  xx.

I'm going to have to start watching the weather forecasts again, this is just no good, I can't not know - yesterday I was out in the sun all day and I think I've sun-burnt my wet nose - it's very sore this morning!  I keep licking it go keep it moist . . . I'm just pleased I didn't get my gnashers whitenened, I would have looked ridicolous today.

I might get bloody frost-bite this morning, it's crazy!

Simon Gotobed,  Weather Warnings UK,  xx.

I've got to go to the dentist today - I think it's the same surgery as usual, just another guy in Persil-gear.  I don't really believe in cosmetic surgery & stuff, but I was wondering about teeth whitening - you know, to improve my smile - particularly now that I'm becoming a bit of a celebrity canine!

What do you think?

I think I'm only going today because of my bad breath, but let's not worry about that too much . . . I'll let u know how I get on anyway.

Have a fun weekend,  Simon Gotobed,  Colgate Dog,  xx.

My Wednesday evening turned out to be great!

Walkies to the park when Pa got home from work;  then I avoided the soaps on the google-box for an hour;  then we watched Four Rooms on Channel 4 - brill but v.weird humanoids;  then The Apprentice - I'm sure I've seen his before - exactly the same but with different background music?;  then we watched Snooze at Ten and Pa said, 'The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away again' - he was getting tired by this point;  then we didn't win the Lottery;  then we watched MOTD and Pa said it was very exciting but I fell asleep about half way thru'.  Then we went to bed.

What did u lot get upto??? 

Simon Gotobed,  a Busy 4-legged Fella,  xx.

I've got the shakes today & I'm in solitary confinement (locked in the shed until Pa gets home).

The cream-egg wrappers reappeared & Pa was clearly not impressed.

I've not watched the weather forecasts for days now - I feel totally out of touch with the outside world - what's it doing today?

I think it's going to be a long, long day.  Hope yours is better!   Simon G,  POW,  xx.

My Tuesday Update.

The good snooze is that nobody has noticed the cream eggs have gone missing;  the bad snooze is the wrappers have yet to reappear.

I'm on my best behaviour this week, and anyway there's no sniff of chocolate anywhere in the house.

Pa however smells of strong cheese, onions and Aramis?

The weather this week is boring, so I'm having a forecast detox - haven't watched one since 9am yesterday.

I have a new favourite tv advert and a new canine hero - have u seen the scruffy fella on the Halifax insurance ad?  Brilliant stuff.

That's all folks,  catch u soon,  xx.

Good morning everyone - what a beautiful start to the week - did u have a great weekend??

Mine was pretty dull as I was in the shed and garden most of the time as punishment, but I was off the hook by last night and let back in the house - I had to promise to be on my best behaviour, which I did of course!

Sorry, but it didn't last long - when I was alone in the kitchen I sniffed out 3 cadbury's cream eggs . . . they were delicious & I think I've got away with it - nobody seems to have noticed yet . . .

I'm a bit worried though as in my hurry to scoff them I didn't have time to un-wrap them - I'm guessing someone's going to notice later when the 3 wrappers re-appear!  It's a sort of magic trick - maybe I'll get a round of applause !?  Maybe not.  xx.

I really am in the doghouse today - well the garden shed anyway - I'm not allowed to stay in the house home-alone today due to yesterdays' 'incident'. . .

I couldn't resist, the aroma was over-powering, I couldn't resist temptation, and anyway I'm not religious and I'm not taking part in Lent, so it just kinda happened . . .

I sniffed them out from a cupboard in our kitchen, pawed them out, neatly unwrapped them (not really very neatly) and then scoffed them both - delicious!  Two big chocolate eggs . . . gorgeous!

If I hadn't have been sick in the hallway later I reckon I might have got away with it . . .

Hope u have a good weekend - I don't think I'll be doing much,  Simon G,  Expert Sniffer & Scoffer Dog,  xx.

Good morning all & thanks for all your messages, follows and likes,  xx.

My thought for today is to be sung in an almost Lily Allen styley - 'I am a weapon of massive disruption . . .'
As u humanoids say, when the cap fits.  Also appropriate - I'm in the doghouse. 

Simon G,  a dog saying sorry.   xx.

Hello humanoids !  I really haven't got anything interesting to say today . . .  So just for a change why don't u ask or tell me something ???

Find me on Twitter @TheDogBlogUK  or www.facebook.com/TheDogBlogUK

I'll leave it with u today & keep my paws crossed that u 'like me' - I'm getting into this technology now u know!
Simon Gotobed,  Ex-technophobe;  xx.

It's a bit of a 'No-Snooze' day today, not even much happening with the weather, or any interesting Sports-Snooze . . .

So just a 'thought for the day' - I have been watching the Snooze for years, and one thing never seems to change - Why are humanoids somewhere in the world always killing each other ? ? ?

My canine race evolved from this hundreds of years ago, we're all different, but we don't try to kill one another.  One of my oldest buddies is an Afghan hound.

I would suggest humanoids should stop killing each other and start worrying about the important things for the future - food and water for starters.  Bye for now,  Simon G.

Watched the Rugby yesterday with Pa and his big mate (big as in huge, massive), I'm now a rugby-fan - didn't understand any of it really - but Pa, the tv commentary team and Big-Bob all got very excited so I joined in ! 

We won ! !  Bob said we beat the frogs in their own back yard!? (he doesn't seem to speak proper English despite his patriotism, he just speaks jibberish).

I'm a proud Old English fella today, our rugby lads are obviously really good at scrapping & I'm lovin' it.

Simon G.

P.S;  Pa said we should just give the guy the job permanently . . .  I have no idea what he was talking about, I was far too busy bouncing for England to listen carefully.

'The Secret Police Officers Ball' - what a scam !

I watched it last night - no police-officers & no footballs . . .

Luckily, I fell asleep before the end.  I may write to Points of View - well I might if I could write, or get their email address . . . maybe not then actually.  Bye now,  xx.

Both Manchesters' lost last night - I think I might start following Barcelona . . .

I'll keep an eye on results over the weekend and maybe then decide.

Sloppy kisses on the badge,  Have fun,  Simon G,  xx.

Happy Birthday to the 0.5% Bank of England Interest rate - 36 months old . . . or in dog terms - twenty-one years, Happy 21st !

I know, I'm not as daft as I look u see, smarter than the average dog I'd say.

Sadly, in canine terms we've been at War in Afghanistan for 70 dog years . . .

I think I'll watch less television tomorrow, I'm getting brain ache.  Have a brill weekend,  Simon G,  xx.

I think Pa's in love!  It apparently wasn't love at first sight, but now he won't shut up about it . . .

The elegance, the mesmerising body swerves, the magical touch, the beauty . . . the dodgy hair-cut & the incredible left foot . . .

Yep, Pa is in love with Lionel Messi !

No idea what's really going on as usual - but hey, have a great day!  Simon G,  xx.

Mansion Tax ???  Bloody hell, what next - Kennel Tax ??

'The country's going to the dogs'  Pa said last night whilst we watched Snooze at Ten . . .

How rude!  It has absolutely nothing to do with me. 

xx.

Pa got home very late last night, unusually late for him, so I had a sniff around . . . he smelled of alcohol, a whiff of perfume, extra strong mints and a trace of monster-munch ??  An odd combination even for a humanoid - something's going on . . .

A good frost this morning I see, good that is if u like frosty mornings and wear a big hairy-furry coat which I do; and good if you're not driving, which I'm not, this morning or any other morning I'd guess.

Have a great day, I'm off for a power-kip,  Simon G, Under-rug Investigator,  xx.

Happy Monday everyone !  How was your weekend ??

Mine was pretty boring to be honest . . . apart from one exciting new TV discovery - we have a secret channel on our goggle-box !  I think it's called the Red Channel & it has it's own secret button on the remote !

Unfortunately my paws aren't designed for controlling tv remotes, and anyway I can't remember which actual button Pa used . . . we watched swimming by the way - it looks like us Brits are quite good at it - bring on the London Olympics I say !  (Well Pa said it actually).

No adverts on this secret Channel which is a bit of a shame, me being a student of tv advertising & stuff.  x.

I forgot to wish everyone a 'Happy St Davids' Day' yesterday, sorry, I just forgot . . . I don't suppose it really matters anyway, I'm not Welsh, I'm Old English of course.

Looking forward to the weekend?  Mine might be a bit boring I expect - I might practice my 'rug' impression and just keep a low profile - unless I get a better offer . . .

Have fun,  Simon G,  Undercover Fella,  xx.

Me & Pa watched the England footy on the tv last night - not sure of the final score? - I fell asleep before the end, Sorry!  I do like their new kit though, is it sponsored by Persil??

By the way, my disguise yesterday worked a treat, not one proposal thank goodness.  My disguise was a rug, I lay in front of the fire in our lounge and didn't move all day - bloody hard work keeping still all day, despite what u may think.

Catch u soon,  Simon G, working undercover,  xx.

Happy Leap-Year Day everyone!

I'm keeping a low profile today, staying indoors all day in fact, just in case I see any hottie-dogs who want to ask me awkward questions . . .

Safety first I think, life's far too complicated already.

Have a great day yourselves, xx.

P.S;  If u do see me u won't recognise me in my disguise - I can't tell u what or that would give the game away - I might reveal all tomorrow, if I remember . . .

Unfortunately I don't have a mobile phone - they're not ideally designed these days for big hairy paws - apparently back in the 80's they were much better?!

Anyway, Pa has one, maybe two I'm not sure, but he keeps saying he wants it to get 'hacked' ???

Apparently it can be very lucrative . . . Pa reckons he could get thousands of pounds if his phone does get hacked??  As usual, I have no idea what he's talking about - even as a student of humanoid behaviour, they still make little sense to me . . .

Have a brill day, I hope u get 'hacked'!?  xx.

Did u watch the Oscars last night?

No, me neither, fell asleep way too early. but I did hear the snooze on the radio this morning - apparently The Artist won 5 Oscars !  Brill news for the little fella - Uggie - I've seen him on the goggle-box snooze.  I'm v jealous of his celebrity status. . . maybe one day . . .

Time for a kip, have a great day, me.  xx.

Of course I'm a real footy fan !  I'll be watching the Premier League this weekend - watching my team, Manchester . . . I just wish I could remember if it was United or City . . .

Have a fab weekend,  Simon G,  xx.

We might be moving house again it seems - maybe even going abroad? - but apparently not to Syria !!

I really don't know where Pa gets all these mad ideas from - he probably does watch too many Channel 4 shows - he's a big fan of Kirstie & Phil ! - I hope he doesn't enlist their help, it would be so embarrassing . . . but if he can get Kevin McLoud onside I'm definitely up for a Grand Design !

I think we maybe both watch too much television . . . Bye for now, I'm off for a kip - Under the Hammer's on soon I think ?! 
Simon G,  Canine Property Developer??  xx.

Pa's giving up on ABC for Lent ??

Alcohol, bread & chocolate apparently . . .

I don't drink beer, I'm rarely offered a sandwich & thankfully I'm not religious !  So I'm still happy - just thought I'd keep u in the loop!?  Catch u soon,  Simon G - roll on Easter I say!

Pa was chief pancake-maker and scoffer last night - he ate 7 ! - I just got thrown a few leftovers? . . . life is so unfair, especially when humanoids are involved.

On a brighter note I did get to see most of the Brits on the tv - I'm now madly & deeply in love with Adele . . . and Bruno Mars . . . life is so complicated.  I don't know which way to turn.  xx.

This happens only once each humanoid year - Pa has bought 3 juicy Oranges!  -  I know they're oranges because I had a quick lick & sniff last night after he'd gone to bed - and they're orange coloured of course - I'm not a stupid fella u know!?

This can only mean one thing - it's only bloody well Pancake Day!!!

I'm so excited about tonight now, and the Brits are on the goggle-box!  Life doesn't get much better . . .
I think I need a lie-down. 
Catch u soon,  Simon G, Champion pancake-scoffer, xx.

Hello everyone - it's Monday!  The start of a brand new, exciting week - not the countdown to the weekend!?

How was your weekend by the way?  Mine was great - fun, fun & more fun!!

Today's Tip - Enjoy every day, not just the one's beginning with S . . .

Do u like my new positivity?  Yeah, me too - I hope it lasts - I'm sure it will.  Bye for now, xx.

It really is nearly the weekend - if you've been listening to the radio they've been on the countdown since Tuesday! But today is Friday, so I think it's now nearly official!

FA Cup footy tomorrow - brill!

Should be sunny on Sunday, so hopefully I'll be out - depending on the humanoids condition of course - can he be arsed to take me to the park? - maybe yes, maybe no - it seems to depend on the number of beers drunk on Saturday night . . . I wouldn't understand of course, being a tee-total canine?!

Anyway, have a fab weekend, Simon G,  xx.

Me & Pa watched tv again last night, and yeah Pa did feel like crying again - we watched Arsenal - the less said the better perhaps . . .  I'm a proud Old English fella of course, but luckily I fell asleep and didn't watch much of it.

It's the manager I feel really sorry for, I mean after changing your first name by deed poll just to get the job in the first place, to get noticed, and not to have enough money for all the letters to complete the name, quite sad really. 

Bye for now, more footy on the goggle-box tonight!?  xx.

(P.S;  Sending all our love to Arsene Wenger, x.)

We watched The Bodyguard on ITV2 last night - a brill film in my humble opinion - Pa cried a bit at one point, but I managed to keep a stiff upper lip.  We're both big Whitney fans, or we were . . .

Footy is on the goggle-box tonight so I assume Pa will be in a better mood, I'll watch it if I can, that's to say if I'm allowed in the lounge again after last night's little 'incident'?!

I won't go into the details, just to say Pa was far from impressed, I was a tad embarressed, and maybe it's just my age, I don't know . . . Forgive & forget hopefully.

Have a lovely dry day,  Simon G,  XX.

Happy Valentines Day everyone !

Short & sweet today as far too busy opening all my cards !!  -  Ha-bloody-ha! - I wish. . . just been sulking all day actually & feeling sorry for myself. . .

But hey - tomorrow's another day! - hopefully a much nicer one. 
Bye, x.x. 
Simon G (obviously un-loved).

'My Name is not Susan'.

Hi, my name is Simon Gotobed, I had a really weird lyrical dream last night - I'd been listening to the wonderful Whitney pretty much all day . . .

In the dream I was no longer me, but a beautiful young woman with everything to live for, it was 'So Emotional', - 'Not Right but Okay'.
I met a fabulous man, the man of my dreams, and we're out all night in New York City.  I was 'The Queen of the Night' yet in my reality 'I Have Nothing'.  It's all so confusing, life can be so complicated.
I asked my dream-man 'How Will I Know' ?  He smiled and replied gently, Susan, 'You Give Good Love', in fact, 'The Greatest Love of All'.
It was just 'One Moment in Time' of course, not my reality.
In the dream 'I'm Every Woman', but I'm usually thinking 'Where do Broken Hearts Go'?
When we reached the club for some unknown reason I said 'I Wanna Dance with Somebody - Who Loves Me'. . . a cry for help. . .
He smiled again and whispered in my ear - 'I've Been Saving All My Love for You' - 'I Will Always Love You'.

Then I woke up, beaming from ear to ear, so alive and well.  The songs will live on forever, they make so many, so happy.  xx.

Weekly Snooze Review.

Snow, snow, snow, walking, DOI, footy postponed, Chelsea 3, H Webb, Man Utd 3, ice, work, Heathrow, Harry, Rosie, Milan, Sky Sports, forecasts, Davina, Euromillions, Biggest Loser, Notts, Olympics, Revenue 0, freedom, England 1, Russia, Oil, Syria, Fabio, Harry, Carlsberg, sleet, ice storms, lamb roast, New, Facebook, Twitter, RBS, #FF, Barclays, Snow-Snow-Snow.

I'm knackered! - what a week, confusion reigns in the canine world.  Simon G,  xx. 

Just heard on the radio that all Dogs may have to be micro-chipped !?!
How the hell am I ging to fit into a microwave???

More confused than usual,  Simon G,  x.

Pa was listening to 'the Snooze' on R2 this morning and now he reckons there's going to be another Falklands War !?

I have no idea why he's come to this worrying conclusion, & I certainly have no idea what it's got to do with the Curry House in Eastenders . . .?

Luckily I have 4 big flat feet, so I'm not too worried about a call-up.
Anyway, have a fab day, keep warm & be safe !?  Simon G,  xx.

Bloody hell it's fffffreezzzing this morning ! !

I knew it would be of course, I watched 9 forecasts yesterday.  They all said the same?!  Funny that . . .

I'm going to watch some more today, just in case, and anyway the tv is crap on a Tuesday.  Even Sky Sports News are struggling to find a new story this week?!

Going for a kip, boring day. . . xx.

Big, big mistake - I ate a lump of cheese for supper again last night, a treat after our Snow-day !

I dreamt I was offered a film part, I took it and we rehearsed, but then near the end I found out it was The Full Monty !!!  There I was, stood tall on my back legs, very hairy, just a hat in one paw . . .

Thankfully I woke up just before the finale.
For a boy who had his balls removed at an early age this was a huge relief . . .

Today's aim - eat less cheese & destroy the Snowman in our back garden.

Have a great cheese-free day, Simon G,  xx.

Snow, Snow, Snow, Snow, Snow ! !

Fantastic Sunday - been snowboarding with Pa - he used the board to be fair, I just played 'Polar Bears' on my own - but still great fun.  Now going home to get dry and snuggle up in my bed/basket.

Might have a go at snowboarding on the Wii tonight if I get a chance . . .

Bye, Simon G, xx.

Bloody hell it's cold, I'm home alone and they've turned the heating off - typical humanoid neglect!

I saw the forecast for the weekend and it looks like SNOW - Hurrah!!  I'm lovin' it . . .

Luckily I wear a full hairy-furry coat from wet-nose to tail-tip - u should get one!?  Very comfortable at this time of year (very hot, itchy & sweaty in the Summer), but u could always take yours off I guess . . .

Have a brill weekend, me.  xx.

Just whacked the radio on & Steve Wright came on, must be R2.  On his factoids bit he reckons a Dog lived to the age of 29 dog-years ( 203 Humanoid years! ) - this is brilliant snooze, basically I'm still a puppy! 

I'm off to the garden to do some extra bouncing to celebrate!  This is great news, but a bit worrying as I'm always knackered . . . I thought it was my age . . . what if it's something more serious?  Oh bugger.  I might need a lie down first.

Happy Groundhog Day! 

Happy Groundhog Day!

Happy Groundhog Day!

me, xx.

Transfer Deadline came and went - not that exciting at all afterall the fuss - not even any fireworks at the end!?  I fell asleep watching Sky Sports News about 10.30pm and then missed MOTD too - all a bit of an anti-climax . . .

However, I see this morning that my new team - Manchester City, lost!  So I've decided to switch to Man Utd as they won - I like to be associated with winners, don't u ?  So I'm now a 'Red' it seems, for now anyway, we'll see how it goes.  I'm a proper supporter u know, just a bit new to it all ! 

Simon G,  xx, (Forever? Red).

I'll be kissing badges next . . .

Just watched Sky Sports News for ten minutes (now I'm a footy fan I thought I should keep up-to-date) - it's so exciting, they're so excited, it's all so exciting, we're on a countdown . . . to the Transfer Deadline ! !

I have no idea what this is (I'm new to this don't forget!), but my guess is that it's got something to do with transfers and tatoos.  I'll keep u upto speed, busy, busy day . . . xx.  Simon G, reporting in/out?

Loving all this footy at the weekend, me and Pa watching the game, Pa with a beer, me not . . .

I've decided to support Manchester City as they seem to be the best, or at least the richest according to Pa, and apparently this helps.  I don't understand the rules yet, but at certain times during the match we have to jump up and down a bit, I bounce and bark, Pa pumps his fist, that kinda thing.  Loving it,  xx.

OMG !  What's happening to me?  I'm changing and I can't stop it . . . I'm becoming a football fan !  It's the F A Cup this weekend and I'm lovin' it!  How the hell did that happen???

Sports Snooze Update.

Epic effort by Andy Murray in the tennis, but he sadly lost so he'll be going back home to Scotland, still a Scot. xx.

Home alone this morning - can't get the bloody tv remote to switch on, either battery problem or big-hairy-paw-unsuitable problem. . .

Whacked the radio on in the kitchen and R2 seems to be on, so between the chit-chat with Mr Evans I'm having a good wiggle.

Avoiding watching Pip and Holly later, it's just a bit awkward now, u know, not really knowing for sure. . .

Bye for now, me, xx.

I need to stop eating cheese for supper - had another weird dream last night, in full colour.

I woke up this morning convinced that Pip Schofield is/was my biological father. . .

I've never met my real Dad, the dates fit, and Pip is a good-looking, greying, clever fella - a bit like me!?

Nooooo - it cannot be true, it's just not possible. . . he's probably not even Old English, I bet he thinks he's a New Man.

I'm off for a kip to avoid watching 'This Morning', catch u soon, xx.

Pa wants to take me to Monaco at the weekend, but it's all very hush-hush!?

Something to do with his boss, a bank account, bonus and investments. . . I have no idea what all this means but Pa seems relaxed about it all, he just asked me to keep it to myself & gave me a wink - I'm hardly likely to blab am I??

He even said he'd name the account after me, Simon07 - lovely, but no real idea why?!  Apparently it's got something to do with the Tax-man, they like codes but don't usually find them for years?  I think it must be a bit like hide & seek, but an adult humanoid version..

It all sounds a bit goldfishy to me (boring but odd), but my lips are sealed anyway.

One bit of really good news I've just heard on R2 - Andy Murray has won again and is getting closer to full British citizenship - he may never have to return to Scotland again if he wins a couple more matches, Ace!

Pa reckons all sorts of publicity is good for sales, good or bad publicity?!

I have no idea what he's talking about. . . why the hell do we need publicity?  What for?  What sales?

I'm just a smarter than average canine and he's just a less than average humanoid, why would we need his ugly mug and my handsome face in the papers?

Still, I might jump the postman if I get a chance later, savage him just a bit, and see if we get some bad publicity - it might help - probably won't help the postie much though . . .
I'm rambling today, not really thought this thru' yet, I might just have a kip instead.  Bye, xx.

Top BRIT Andy Murray has won again at the Australian Open Tennis!

His oponent actually gave up, submitted u might say, as he was being battered anyway, Nice one Andy.

By the way - Happy New Year ! - in a Chinese kind of way, don't really understand to be honest - something to do with Dragons?

Catch u soon, Simon G,  xx.

Andy Murray is British all weekend - Hurrah!

Simonus Sporting Snooze.

English cricket team stuffed in Dubai.

Andy Murray is British, occassionally Scottish.

The Rocket got well & truly Trumped.

Simon Gotobed hoping to make Snowboarding final on the Wii.

Have a thrilling weekend, xx.

I'm jumping on the Astrology bandwagon with all 4-paws - I think I should, it's fashionable, and I like to be on trend!?

I've already spotted a new planet - I kept one eye open all last night, stargazing thru' my window - it's not officially confirmed yet, but no doubt the media will latch onto it soon.

I think we'll call it 'Simonus' . . . great idea or what?!

Love to Dara by the way, I recognised him on the tv - didn't he used to be a comedy-fella?  Don't really know the other fella, I think he used to be on Planet of the Apes, but I can't be sure.  I think his name was Brain...

Catch u soon, xx.

As a self-proclaimed expert on tv advertising I thought I'd give u my top 5 from last night - I love ads & I love lists! 

5) First Choice Hols - now all inclusive,  brill music basically.
4)  BET 365 - Bingo heads,  just odd, but in a good way.
3)  Subway Low Fat range - sponsors of 'The Biggest Loser' - perverse, surreal. . .
2)  BMW 3-Series - even more brill soundtrack, just great.
1)  Virgin Media - Usain Bolt as Richard Branson!  Genius!

Hope he was paid a fortune for that, I'm guessing he must have been.

Catch u soon, xx.

All 5 'Brits' who played on the opening day of the Australian Open Tennis lost - not v.impressive...

The good news is that our top 'Brit' Andy Murray won his first round match this morning, - Hurrah for British Tennis!

I do hope the press keep calling him British for at least a couple of weeks, we all know it's bad news when they call him a 'Scot'.

You know it and I know it, and I'm just a dog, x.

Tell my why I just love Mondays, Tell me why I just love Mondays !!

It's still fffrreeeezing here, but the sun is out and the skies are clear blue - what a beautiful day.

Everyone but me has gone to work, brilliant!  I've got the day to myself.  I'm going to be wiggling all morning with Fearne Cotton to keep warm . . . even more brrrrrrilliant.

Have a lovely day,  Simon G,  xx.

Weekend Plan -

It's 9am, Saturday morning and I've just put my wet-nose outside - it froze!

It's bloody fffrrreeezzzzing here so I'm staying in bed/basket all weekend and keeping my big fur coat on (I have no other choice but to keep it on of course).

That's it, nothing else to report,  Bye,  x.

Pa was home very late last night, way past his normal bedtime.

I detected a cocktail of aromas as he came thru' my room - stale alcohol, a slight whiff of cigarettes, a touch of perfumery and a sniff of whipped cream?!

He left his jacket hanging in the hall and went straight to bed.  I quickly inspected the exhibit - a touch of red stuff on the collar? a couple of small white feathers on the back?? and half a celery stick in the top pocket???

I'm no detective but I'd say he'd been working late & maybe too hard.

No shit Sherlock. . .

Me and Pa watched television last night, BBC1 all the way.

We watched Manchester City v. Liverpool - it wasn't the greatest game but I'm no expert, I tried to enjoy it but it's difficult when you're watching with a Man Utd fan - so many expletives I had to close my floppy-furry ears.  1-nil to Liverpool I think, although I may have dozed off towards the end.  Pa wanted them both to lose . . .
I woke up to watch the snooze & weather - I like to keep up to date u know - getting colder apparently . . .

Then we watched a programme about sportsmen with Freddie Flintoff chatting, Pa cried a bit which I thought was strange - it could have been the background music.
I'm just glad that I'm a big, hairy, happy, fella and not an elite athlete, or cricketer.  I may give up boxing too.